Assignment 1: Finding our Values

Last week Steve and I were asked what we value. The homework assignment was to come the next appointment with our personal values figured out. I thought this request would be pretty easy. I mean, I am a Christian so values is what we learn from Sunday school on up.
But I was shocked at how hard this really was. Because when I really started to think of what I thought I valued I realized that you won't be able to tell from viewing my life.
The list I came up with was small

Christian Faith was the first on my list. I love this picture (found through google search) because it shows how I really am with Faith. The Bible says we are to have child like Faith, which I have done. But I have done it to an excess lately. Taken the easy way out and worked on the minimum of growth, we are just to believe right? Yes, but No! As children we are always growing and learning new things everything is wondrous and new. Instead I have let my faith grow old and comfortable. God does not call us to have Faith like an old shoe but more as a child where we are eager to know more. Goal for this year to grow more in Faith.

For those that know our situation this one may seem hypocritical, but Trust is something I desire. I do not trust easily. In fact I am almost paranoid in the extent I don't trust people. I see conspiracies where there are none. Lies where there are none. Which is why I think this one will be the hardest for me. Because I did put unconditional trust out there and it was broken shattered. The tiny shards dig deep into my psyche, proving yet again why I truly never open up. But I need to trust, lay my heart out there. If I am constantly behind a wall of superficial communication, how can I be one with another? Goal: to trust others with all of me.

This word of Authenticity is thrown out in the blogging world quite regularly. Us bloggers try to be authentic in our blogging not always showing the beautiful, put together lives we want others to see but the whole picture. The picture that shows some times we are the woman on the side of the road, crying to Jesus to show her the way. In my day to day life I feel like I play different characters where ever I am. I have the work me, the friends me (and that also changes on the friends), the Mom me, the wife me, the church me, the etc.. Why can I not seem to be the same me every where? I help run a camp one week out of the summer. I have often said that is the one place where I truly feel I can be me, or at least the me I want to be. But we don't live in a world of Christian summer camps, where judgement is left at the alter. Instead I need to work on getting past what people think about me and just be me. Goal: Be the me I have always wanted to be.

Love, is such a cliche answer, I know. But I am not meaning the Hollywood style love. Even though that is what I have been seeking the past 30 some years. I have jokingly called myself an attention whore. Though in truth I really am. I have been projecting out my need for this Hollywood version of love and romance to anyone who would answer the call. The honeymoon period of the relationship is all I was looking for. I wanted all of the whooing with none of the work. Love is soo much more than that I have realized. It is the day to day moments, a hand held, a chore done without complaint, a sweet note here and there, a desire to be together through it all. Am I a cured attention whore, not yet, maybe not ever. But I am begining to realize that I have missed out on a lot more by focusing on just the passion. Don't get me wrong, I want passion. I am a passionate person, almost to a fault. Goal: To find a balance between passion and lasting love.

I think this assignment from the counselor was good. Everyone should have to reevaluate themselves about mid-life. See if we are really valuing the things we think we are.